


Curiosity

by AspenCe



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Light Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 07:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26349097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AspenCe/pseuds/AspenCe
Summary: Logic doesn’t care.Logan does.So Logan must not be Logic.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 103





	Curiosity

He looks in the mirror and sees his puffy red eyes, his messy hair, his rumpled clothes - he’s a mess. He knows this already, but seeing it… his limbs shake so badly he has to sit down, and his eyes burn, threatening to drench his face in tears again. 

_ I’m just annoying. They don’t want me around. They don’t want to listen to me. They DON’T listen to me… but I want them to…  _

_ Why…? _

_ Why do I care? I shouldn’t care. I’m Logic. I don’t have feelings… I don’t have emotions. I’m Logic. I’m purely logical. I don’t - I SHOULDN’T care. So… so why do I? _

He doesn’t like being Logic. It just hurts, having to put away his questions to give answers, having to “shut up” because he’s annoying, being talked over, being ignored, being dehumanized and yet unable to change. He doesn’t want to wear his tie all the time. He doesn’t want to just have all the answers. He likes learning… and he doesn’t want to be the one advocating for strictness and scheduling. He’s been forced into being that, but he really doesn’t want to be.

_ So why stay this way? Why care about being the same? They can’t hurt me any more than they already have. _

He takes a deep breath. No counting. No breathing exercise. Just breathing in and out, in and out, letting the air fill his lungs and come back out, allowing his body to shudder and his tears to fall.

_ I care. Logic doesn’t care. Rationally… that means that I’m not Logic. So who am I? _

He closes his eyes and lets his room - no, it’s more of an office than anything - disappear, replaced with an endless white that he knows will blind him if he opens his eyes again.

Reason doesn’t feel right. Rationality doesn’t either. Learning? Mind? Clarity? Intellect? No, he’s not any of those things. So what is he? Questions? No… close, but not quite. 

It’s his fault, really. He’s avoiding the truth. Why? It doesn’t matter, it shouldn’t matter - he should just accept it. It’s not a bad truth. He likes it. It just makes things feel… final. Irreversible.

Does he  _ want _ to go back?

_ “Not today, Logic!” _

_ “Get out of here, no one wants to listen to you.” _

_ “Logan, just… trust me on this?” _

No. He doesn’t want to go back.

He’s Curiosity.

And just like that, he knows what he wants. He changes his static, always-immaculate outfit for a dress. A simple, deep blue dress that shimmered with darker colors and sparkled with stars, that made him smile in a way he didn’t remember possible. Two elbow-length gloves, black and silky. Two black boots, decorative, not practical. He conjures a new mirror, with an intricately carved ebony frame. 

He smiles at himself, and nearly cries again because  _ he’s beautiful. _

He makes the rest of his room just as comfortable, messy, and  _ him _ as he’s always wanted it to be. Maps overlapping each other, covered in his handwriting, the posters he’d gotten rid of because Roman didn’t like them, a soft, springy carpet that he wishes that he’d conjured sooner.

And his ceiling goes up and up, he can’t see it. It’s blocked by a shimmery fog that looks like the night sky. He’s always loved astronomy.

He doesn’t care that it’s  _ impractical, illogical _ . Because he’s Curiosity, and he cares, and he can do whatever he wants to.

When he rises up the next morning, he ignores the others’ shocked silence and just smiles, not heading towards the coffee maker for once. He wants to know how hard it is to make French toast - and now that he’s Curiosity, he doesn’t have to ignore that question just because Patton already knows how to make it.

They try to talk to him, but he just ignores them, because he’s busy and he doesn’t have to stop what he’s doing just to explain himself.

And when he’s discovered that, yes, he can make French toast (and yes, it is difficult), he finds that he doesn’t want to share it with the Fam-ILY that left him behind. 

Because he’s Curiosity, he wonders if the Dark Sides like French toast with or without butter.


End file.
